Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Dan Wald Initiates Unprecidented Step-ladder Brinkmanship

Los Angeles, CA

In what would be the defining moment in a new era of agression, Dan Wald placed an unfolded metal step ladder in front of David Jurgens' door earlier this morning. Upon waking and exiting his room, Mr. Jurgens noticed the ladder in front of his door and quickly moved it to be in front of the bathroom door. Little did Wald, who was at the time in the bathroom, know that he would in minutes come face to face with the ladder he had placed earlier. Upon exiting the bathroom, Mr. Wald removed the ladder, and then placed it back in the same spot due to Mr. Jurgens entering the bathroom. Such hostile actions were unheard of before now, but in a chaotic agressive move, Wald chose to keep moving the ladder closer, commenting, "I thought it would be funny." With such garrish actions the norm for the morning, it was no surprise when Mr. Jurgens escalated the ladder war with a move-the-ladder-to-next-to-dan salvo that nearly shook the entire house. Wald responded with a blistering move where he placed the ladder in front of the door Mr. Jurgens had just exited to change his laundry. Almost immediately Jurgens initiated a sharp, two-part counter attack where he side-stepped the ladder, and then in an amazing feat, placed the ladder so that it would block Wald into a kitchen corner. Trapped with no where to go, Wald did the unthinkable and picked up the ladder and moved it to the center of the room. Man cannot comprehend what the action meant but some strategicians suggest it was to signal that no matter where Jurgens went, the ladder would follow. Others suggest that it was a sign of peace since the ladder was now in the open. A small minority argue that Wald had actually set up a multi-move strategy to lure Jurgens near the ladder and then keep him trapper there by circling around him. Regardless of the intent, the ladder stayed there, with uneasy eyes watching its every moves until both had left the house.

Upon returning home, the ladder had disappeared. Could it have been taken with one of men as a gesture of workplace warface? Was the ladder hidden somewhere, only to have it return in a blitz krieg attack? In fact, Mr. Clark had picked up the ladder and placed folded up in the hallway leaning against a wall. Clark had somehow managed to sleep what would become of the finest examples in brinkmanship and upon awaking had moved the ladder out of the way. When the earlier morning battle was recounted, Mr. Clark only commented, "fuckers should've put it away when they were done being gay with each other." History will see it otherwise.


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