Dan Wald Discovers New Squid
Haunted by squid in his dreams since childhood, Dan Wald woke up on Monday and realized that it was a new species of giant squid that had been telepathically trying to contact him during his sleep in order to get the species recognized. According to Mr. Wald, "well, I made up my mind that I was just going to have to rent a boat and go out there and find the damned thing to tell it to stay out of my mind." Shortly there after, Dan and Captain Lou (formerly from the WCW and now an actual captain for short sea charters) sailed west into the Pacific. Above is an artists rendition of the actual account. "We got out to sea and I was so anxious that I just stuck my face in the water. Luckily, there was a squid there. I figured it was the one from my dreams so I pointed at it and said 'hey squid! I found you so shut up!' It just sat there, which I think means it understood" recounted Mr. Wald. Although it has been uncomfirmed whether the squid was indeed the one with the telepathic powers, Captain Lou netted the squid and brought it on board only to find that it was in fact an undiscovered species. An anonymous Japanese businessman purchased the squid for an undisclosed amount and it was promptly eaten, to which the businessman commented, "uniquely delicious."