Dan Wald Confirms He Is Not A Triangle

In a move that has stunned mathematicians, Dan Wald has proven that he is not a triangle. Following is a transcript of the talk given at MIT complete with replicated diagrams presented to the math community.

Given a triangle:




We can define the following constants:




Constants will hold the triangle in place while we examine it.

Bisecting the triangle in the appropriate places allows us to penetrate the mystery of the triangle. When killing a triangle, we must take appropriate reverance which means we need to draw the lines perfectly straight for respect and all.




Because my name is DS, I can draw the following lines around the triangle:



This looks nothing like a triangle. However, since I drew it, I must not be a triangle.

fin.



Nathan Dunfield, a professor at Caltech, commented on the situation by saying, "Mr. Wald's proof is inconclusive and for the most part, random scribbling. The three words that were consistently used during his talk were 'triangle' and 'not me', which did get the point across, however. He even managed to lead the crowd in 'I am not a triangle' chant. I've never seen mathematicians so riled up, although it may be that he tried to bend Dr. Kaloshin into what he said was a 'human triangle'. I don't know how he managed to be in his situation - having to prove that he isn't a triangle - but I am at least convinced that he is not, in fact, a triangle."

Mr. Wald is now reportedly working on a corollary to his proof that would show that he is also not a rhomboid. An email sent earlier this week confirms this and Mr. Wald has stated, "things are going well but are taking longer than I expected since rhomboids are such mysterious beasts. I mean no man has yet to even draw one!"