Monday, January 16, 2006

Dan Wald Turns Off Lightswitch

Los Angeles, CA

In an effort to save money, on Monday night Dan Wald turned off the light in the living room. Left on were the outside and kitchen lights. However, Mr. Wald declared this a victory towards deals, "it's great because you're not using the light so why should you pay for it? I'm cutting out the middle man and richer because of it!" Middlemen Brad Clark and David Jurgens who were at the time sitting in the living room protested the money saving move. "Hey asshat, we're still in this room. Turn off the outside light and turn this one back on, or go back to work," declared Mr. Clark upon witnessing the act. Inspired by the comment Mr. Wald returned to work stating, "what a deal! Instead of sleeping - for which I get paid nothing - I can instead work at night and earn overtime. It's awesome because they pay me even more than they would normally."

As Mr. Wald bravely left for work again instead of sleeping, Mr. Clark and Mr. Jurgens stood in full salute while softly singing "God speed! Man is something that is to be surpassed. What have ye done to surpass man? All beings hitherto have created something beyond themselves: and ye want to be the ebb of that great tide, and would rather go back to the beast than surpass man?" Pausing for a moment, Dan Wald took eight steps, one in each of the cardinal directions and responded, "I conjure you, my brethren, REMAIN TRUE TO THE EARTH, and believe not those who speak unto you of superearthly hopes! Poisoners are they, whether they know it or not." He then walked to his car where angels attended to him as he left for the heavens, carried by six-winged seraphim with eyes on all sides. Upon returning inside, Mr. Jurgens turned off the outside light and turned the living room light back on.


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