Wald Leaks President Bush's Secrets

Culver City, CA -- Mr. Dan Wald, born outside of Kansas City, MO, was recently exposed by Condoleeza Rice and Alberto Gonzalez as the leak in the Natioanl Security Agency (NSA) wiretapping scandal. In a joint statement, Ms. Rice and Mr. Gonzalez were both visibly shaken as they announced that Mr. Wald was, in fact, the leak. The two went on to comment about Mr. Wald, "What can we do? We tried to keep him under wraps for as long as we could, but when someone so special just keeps asking, what can you do?"

However, the more politically damning part of the statement was made by Mr. Gonzalez. He said, "Condi and I can no longer keep him from the world. 23 years ago, we made a mistake, and that mistakes name was Dan Wald." After Mr. Gonzalez made the remark, Ms. Rice left the press conference, sobbing.

Mr. Wald, an overworking young man dedicated to, "awesomosity" and "neutrality" commented in response to the remarks, "Shit, I just had to leak the story, I figured that if I didn't, Dave Jurgens would really start questioning my identity as a Jew, and then, my cover would surely be blown."