Friday, March 31, 2006

Dan Wald Unveils New Era In Physics.

[Los Angeles, CA]

"I had like 8 cats spinning around me because I had this can of Whiskas in my hands and then all of a sudden it dawned on me: Fact: I'm Awesome. If you make that in math terms, you get F=IMA. I added to F=MA, bitches!" explained Dan Wald. Wald then proceeded to dance around shouting "F equals IMA. It's the fucking greatest man. It'll get you fucked up - it'll get you haters laid."

Spurred on by the incident, Wald launched a grass roots campaign to educate scientists about his discovery. "I started a Cafe Press store where you can buy a tshirt that says F=IMA," said Wald. Wald's trusty replacement from the future, RoboDS 3000 had taken up this cause as well stating that it was necessary to prevent the possible ice-age from lack of awesomeosity as well as, "In commutative land, AMI=F is you!" Local scientists are ecstatic about the new result saying it will usher in a new understanding of the world around us and may significantly impact the development of the grand unified theory, as represented by this random sampling of scientists comments:

Dr. Zvi Bern
I heard Wald once proved he was not a triangle. Since he has some street cred, I suppose he's probably on to something here. Physicists should probably examine how this could affect electron mobility in GHK fields. Well, that or get some sweet first edition tshirts to show we were on board from the start.

Dr. Walter Geckelman
Gravitons are the particles responsible for mediating the force of gravity. You can learn about them in your local library.

Dr. Rainer Wallny
So what's the big deal? Many people have known Newton's first law since eight grade (or earlier); and if prompted with the first few lines could probably recite the law word for word. And what is so terribly difficult about remembering that F = ma? It seems to be merely a simple algebraic statement for solving story problems. The big deal however is not the ability to recite the first law nor to use the second law to solve problems; but rather the ability to understand their meaning and to believe their implications. While most people know what Newton's laws say, many people do not know what they mean (or simply do not believe what they mean). The addition of the the ideal gas constant (8.314 34 J/K/mol.) does little to aid in the comprehension although it makes for an amusing mnemonic. I give Wald a B- for creativity.

Dr. Ian McLean
I am currently trapped in the land of trees and shadows. Please send help.

Dr. E. Dan
In math, typically 'i' denotes imaginary things, like imaginary numbers. I assume that Dan Wald's new equation is actually stating that his awesomeosity is made up. Really, sometimes I wonder why we have an Anti-DS group at all...Sabotaging him is like trying to decide whether You Got Served or Roll Bounce is a better movie.


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