Anti-Dan Alliance Traps Dan Wald in Alternate Ascii Universe
Alternate Ascii Universe / Culver City, CA
Dan Wald remains in good humor despite being trapped in an alternate universe.
Late Tuesday night Dan Wald awoke to a startling revelation - his body was transformed into ascii characters. The only record of a similar circumstance was the boy who in the 1980s A-Ha music video was transformed into squiggly lines in an alternate world where he protected a similarly drawn girl from squiggly thugs. The band A-Ha, long since washed up as one-hit wonders, had no comment and even if they did, it would've been in German, which no one speaks.
A spokesperson from the Anti-Dan alliance claimed responsibility for the act. Notorious Anti-Dan activist Evil Dan identified himself as the purpetraitor stating, "It's been a while since DS got wrecked by anything other than work or lack of DMD. I figured this was easier than destroying the world's DMD supply, so off he goes to the land of his beloved emoticons. Doesn't it make you want to T_T." Other members of the Anti-Dan alliance, Nad, the new spokesman for Franzia, and Spot, the 7-UP mascot, were on hand to offer murmured "damn right" and "let him suck ascii cock" in the background as Evil Dan spoke.
Dan Wald is actively working on getting out however, "if I remember the movie Tron right, I just need to find some lite-bikes and keep racing. Or was that light-brites? I just gotta keep my head down and power through and I'll stop some evil corporate hackers trying break my firewall to uh .. get into my .. data or something." Upon finishing his statement Mr. Wald coughed and sent
flying from the alternate ascii universe. Scientists are currently working to verify whether Mr. Wald's statement had any relevance to his present plight.
Back at the Waldemar Estate, things have returned to normal. In a surprise turn of events, RoboDS 3000 returned carrying several cases of DMD. "It turns out that Albertson's was out, so RoboDS 3000 ended up walking around asking for DMD until someone showed him a store where he could get more," explained Mr. Clark. Mr. Clark and Mr. Jurgens are now taking turns dropping off RoboDS 3000 for work at Raytheon while Dan is absent. "Someone has to pay his share of the rent. Even though the robot can only says like 8 phrases, RoboDS 3000 apparently has enough skill to pass for Dan at work," stated Mr. Jurgens. "Plus, he makes karaoke hilarious. Picture him repeatedly singing to 'I'm back, like Payload to Parliment's 'We Got the Funk' and you have a good idea of why the future's awesomeosity is in good hands with us," added Mr. Clark.
Although Dan Wald's actual whereabouts are unknown, artists have been able to create a rendition of Mr. Wald in his current state:
Anti-Dan Alliance member Spot added to the description:
Dan Wald remains in good humor despite being trapped in an alternate universe.
Late Tuesday night Dan Wald awoke to a startling revelation - his body was transformed into ascii characters. The only record of a similar circumstance was the boy who in the 1980s A-Ha music video was transformed into squiggly lines in an alternate world where he protected a similarly drawn girl from squiggly thugs. The band A-Ha, long since washed up as one-hit wonders, had no comment and even if they did, it would've been in German, which no one speaks.
A spokesperson from the Anti-Dan alliance claimed responsibility for the act. Notorious Anti-Dan activist Evil Dan identified himself as the purpetraitor stating, "It's been a while since DS got wrecked by anything other than work or lack of DMD. I figured this was easier than destroying the world's DMD supply, so off he goes to the land of his beloved emoticons. Doesn't it make you want to T_T." Other members of the Anti-Dan alliance, Nad, the new spokesman for Franzia, and Spot, the 7-UP mascot, were on hand to offer murmured "damn right" and "let him suck ascii cock" in the background as Evil Dan spoke.
Dan Wald is actively working on getting out however, "if I remember the movie Tron right, I just need to find some lite-bikes and keep racing. Or was that light-brites? I just gotta keep my head down and power through and I'll stop some evil corporate hackers trying break my firewall to uh .. get into my .. data or something." Upon finishing his statement Mr. Wald coughed and sent
,'/ //
/// // /)
/// // //|
/// // ///
/// // ///
(`: // ///
`;`: ///
/ /:`:/
/ / `'
/ /
(_/
flying from the alternate ascii universe. Scientists are currently working to verify whether Mr. Wald's statement had any relevance to his present plight.
Back at the Waldemar Estate, things have returned to normal. In a surprise turn of events, RoboDS 3000 returned carrying several cases of DMD. "It turns out that Albertson's was out, so RoboDS 3000 ended up walking around asking for DMD until someone showed him a store where he could get more," explained Mr. Clark. Mr. Clark and Mr. Jurgens are now taking turns dropping off RoboDS 3000 for work at Raytheon while Dan is absent. "Someone has to pay his share of the rent. Even though the robot can only says like 8 phrases, RoboDS 3000 apparently has enough skill to pass for Dan at work," stated Mr. Jurgens. "Plus, he makes karaoke hilarious. Picture him repeatedly singing to 'I'm back, like Payload to Parliment's 'We Got the Funk' and you have a good idea of why the future's awesomeosity is in good hands with us," added Mr. Clark.
Although Dan Wald's actual whereabouts are unknown, artists have been able to create a rendition of Mr. Wald in his current state:
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######################KKKK##########################
##############WWEEGGDDGGEEWW########################
##########KKGGjjiiii;;;;ttDDDDDDDDKKWW##############
########KKjjjjii;;,,,,::::;;;;;;iittttGGWW##########
########GGjjtt;;;;,,::::..::::::,,;;iijjDD##########
####WWDDffjjii;;,,::::........::,,;;iittffDD########
####DDjjjjtttt;;,,::::........::,,,,;;ttffLLEE######
####DDjjjjttii;;,,,,::::......::::,,iittffLLEEWW####
####GGffttii;;,,,,,,::::......::::;;iittjjLLEEWW####
####GGffGGDDLL;;,,::::::......::,,;;iiiittffGGWW####
####LLEEWWEEEEKKii::....::......::;;;;iiiijjDDWW####
KKWWGGGGjjttttffEEff:: ::::::::,,;;;;iiGGKK##WW####
KKWWLLffGGDDDDGGLLDDjj::::..::;;iiiiLLKKEEKKWWWW####
WWWWKKGGffEEKKKK##DDDDff::..,,iiGGDDDDKKKKKKKKWW####
WWEELLffjjjjjjttLLGGLLDDLLiiLLEEDDDDKKKKWWKKEEWW####
WWEEffffttiittttttjjjjGGii,,jjEEjjjjjjffLLDDEEWW####
KKEEffjjttttiiiittjjffjj;;;;iiDDLLjjttjjjjjjDDEE####
EEEEffjjtt;;,,;;iittii,,,,;;;;iiLLLLffjjjjLLLLKK####
iiEEffjjtt;;,,,,;;iitt;;,,;;iittttiiiiiittffLLEE####
;;DDffjjttii,,;;iittjjii;;;;ttffffiiiiiittffGGEEDDGG
;;GGffjjiiii;;iiiittjjtt;;;;ttjjLLiiiiiittffDDKKEELL
;;GGjjttiiiittttttttffffii;;jjGGffttttiittffDDWWWWLL
;;GGjjiiiittjjjjttjjjjffffffLLLLffjjttttttffDDWWWWLL
;;jjjjttiijjjjttttttttjjttjjffffLLGGffjjttffDDWWEEjj
;;ffffttttffjjDDDDjjffjjttttttjjffLLGGffjjffGG##GGjj
,,ttGGjjttjjffEEff;;,,iiiittjjttDDKKGGLLjjffEE##fftt
,,,,GGffjjffjjDDGGff,,::....::;;GGKKGGGGffGGWWKKjjjj
,,,,ffDDjjLLffDDEEDDjjjjttiijjjjKKEEEEDDffDD##GGjjjj
,,,,;;EEGGffjjffEEEEDDGGGGDDEEEEEEEEEEDDGG##DDffjjtt
,,,,;;LLKKDDGGjjffDDDDffttLLEEEEEEDDDDEE##DDiiffjjjj
,,;;iiffGGDDKKLLttffffffLLLLGGGGGGGGEE##EE;;;;ffjjjj
::;;ttjjjjLLDDKKjjttttttjjjjjjffffDD##WW;;;;;;ffffjj
::,,ttjjttffffDDDDjjjjjjjjjjjjffGG####ffffLLLLLLffjj
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Anti-Dan Alliance member Spot added to the description:
8===D ~~~* Dan Wald
posted by Juggernaut, the at 10:35 PM
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