Wednesday, February 08, 2006

WALD TO BE KICKED OUT OF EFFICIENCY HALL OF FAME AFTER POSING FOR PLAYGIRL


In a scandal that has rocked the LA efficiency scene, 2006 Efficiency Hall of Fame inductee and recipient of the Spiro T. Agnew Efficiency Recognition award has been sanctioned after posing for Playgirl Magazine.

“Frankly, we’re shocked and dismayed,” Efficiency Hall of Fame Chairman Anthony Rumson said. “Never has a community been split to the extent that the those of us in the Efficiency world have been by Waldgate.”

Wald, a “sure bet” 2006 inductee to the Efficiency Hall of Fame, posed in Playgirl’s racy February spread, entitled “Men of Efficiency… But Only In Some Activities, If You Know What We’re Saying.” Wald posed completely naked in one photo, and in limited garb in the remainder, including a chartreuse tasseled g-string with the words “Get ‘Er Done” crocheted on the front.

“It was a blast,” Wald said. In the spread’s accompanying article, Wald talked extensively about being Efficiency’s “bad boy.” “I drink, I cuss, I pose in softcore porn magazines… and I also design high-quality aircrafts. And I do it with time to spare, bitches.”

“It was without a doubt the most time-efficient photo shoot I’ve ever done,” Playgirl photographer Sally Fuxjaeger said. “And Wald just dominated the energy of the set.”

Not everyone had such glowing praise for Wald. Fellow 2006 Efficiency Hall of Fame inductee Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT) admonished Wald’s behavior. “He was bestowed Efficiency’s highest honor, the Agnew award, and this is how he brings honor to our ideals. He should be ashamed of himself.” Lieberman also noted, “I’m damn efficient every day but the Sabbath… and you don’t see me going around showing my dong off for kicks.”

Wald did not express remorse for his decision. “I’m glad I did it. I’m doing all the ladies a favor.” When asked about the repercussions of his actions, Wald said, “They can kick me out if they want to. I’ll just start my OWN Efficiency Hall of Fame; have it up and running by 4 pm.”

Rumson states that Wald will not go without repercussions for his “flagrant and thoughtless behavior.”

“The allegations were made at 10 am, exactly, so we should have the committee convened by around 10:45. I would expect a decision by 1 pm,” Rumson said. After a pause, he noted, “They tend to be pretty on top of things.”

“This is a sad day for efficiency enthusiasts everywhere,” Rumson continued. “In our world, this is right up there with Vanessa Williams and Pete Rose.”

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