Thursday, February 09, 2006

DS Not Seen For 3 Weeks

Avid DS watcher, Michael Kramer, has reported not seeing the DS at work (its natural habitat) in over 3 weeks. Considered an expert DS watcher by the community, Kramer claims there is no reason for alarm, but he is still concerned. “Anytime such a rare specimen like the DS goes unseen, it tends to get everyone’s panties in a bunch.” However, this is not the first time the DS has gone unseen for an extended period of time. Back in 2005 during the hectic “DS not seen for 3 months” phenomenon, the DS was not seen for 3 months but eventually reappeared healthy, in good condition, and drunk.

Typically the DS can be lured out of hiding by making DS calls such as “that is sweet” or “this is the most awesomest thing I have ever seen” as this will intrigue the DS to see what could possibly be so sweet or awesome. Kramer states that these DS calls have been unfruitful, and he has even resorted to a last ditch effort of throwing cans of Diet Mountain Dew out from his hiding spot. Unfortunately, sitting in the bushes and throwing cans out onto the sidewalk attracted the attention of security who forced Kramer to remove the cans before the DS could get the scent.

This span of disappearance has once again brought to light the question of the DS possibly being extinct. There is no data on the current size of the DS population, but many fear it might be down to one sole surviving member. Some claim that the DS really is extinct, and all the stories reported here are merely fictitious, fabricated only for the pleasure of others. Kramer disagrees with these assumptions. “The DS has only a few natural enemies: Non-diet Mountain Dew, the Brad, the planet Pluto, and women. If one of the predators were to kill the DS, I would put my money on the Brad, but it is highly unlikely that the Brad would be able to stir up the motivation to kill the DS.” Kramer reasons that there are still many other explanations for the DS’s disappearance besides extinction. According to Kramer, “all the walls and locked doors seem to be the most likely culprits at the moment.” Upon sighting the DS, Kramer plans to tranquilize it and sell it to a zoo.

2 Comments:

Blogger Dan Wald said...

this was an incredible entry post

10:25 PM  
Blogger Meredith said...

Dear Kramer,
Since most of us don't know you from Adam, I think it would only be appropriate if you would provide us with a bio. Perhaps even a picture!! You know, just so we can connect a name to your incredible posts. Inquiring minds want to know. ;)

Sincerely,
The Committee for Elucidating Kramer's Identity (aka, Meredith)

9:29 AM  

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